I actually just remembered I had this blog!
It used to be the place to come to while I had nobody to talk about stuff that was going on...
It is crazy that I actually kind of forgot about it, but today I feel like writing down what has been going through my mind...maybe it will also help get it off my mind.
So basically:
I have been in a weird state of mind for the last couple of weeks. I have nothing to be sad about, yet I can't help not being really happy. I have a roof over my head, I come into a warm home when it's freezing winter outside. I have a good, stable job - which is awesome and I so grateful for!! I have a great boyfriend and a family that loves me and can talk to anytime I want.
But something...I can´t even put my finger on what it is, puts me down every once in a while. Maybe its the fact that my family isn't nearby, but hundreds of miles away from me. I just haven't the opportunity to go visit them whenever I want. Maybe it's the fact that I never got full closure on some stuff in the past that just pops into my mind at some random times. Maybe it´s the fact that I live at somewhat small city, and since I always was used to living in big cities, I just get frustrated here. Or maybe it´s the fact that a long committed relationship is way harder that everything I have ever imaged. I know you hear that everywhere, but it really isn't anything like the movies. ...Let's just leave it at that.
I also start going to the gym every once in a while, with a really committed attitude, and after a couple of time the motivation fades again. And after a few weeks the same thing starts over again.
I try to really not show all of that, and if I may say so myself, I think I am doing pretty good job at it. I always say everything is good, when people ask me how I'm doing. At times I can even convince myself that all is good and perfect the way it is. I guess it is also easier like this. Having to explain something like this to someone, when not even I know exactly what's going on, seems very exhausting to me.
Anyway, let me not bore you any longer!
Kisses,
Lena
