What I really want...

We all have dreams, we all have goals that we wish to reach someday - maybe a dream job, a big house, a family...those are some common answers people say when asked. That´s what I answer too. But that is not what I really want in life. And the truth is that I have already have had what I really what. But I lost it.

Everything in life comes and goes. Nothing stays the way it is for a long time, everything is temporary. That is why we have to appreciate what we have. We hear that all the time, but that is really true. And once it is gone, we feel lost, sad and wish we could turn back time and go back to that time again.
Well...my problem is not only that I wish I could turn back time, but also that I didn't appreciate it while it was here. I am not talking about an specific object, person or anything like that. I am talking about the certain lifestyle I had a few years back. Everything was perfect about it but I didn't see that back then. I didn't see how lucky I was to have that life, and certainly didn't appreciate it the way I should have. I didn't even thank the one person who gave me and my family the change to live that life - my father. I don't think I ever thanked him. He only got to wittness how I sad I was after is was over. That honestly breaks my heart. I never talked with me about my happiness at that time, but he had to see how it broke me, once it was gone. But that would be an other topic, which I don't what to talk about now.

I don't know if you can quite follow me, but I also don't want to get to specific about it. Let's just say, that we (my family and me) had a quite extraordinary life for a few years. Of course, like everything in life, there we good and also bad aspect about it. But when I think about it, all I want to do is to go back to it - to everthing there was about it. The people, their language, the music they listen to, the way they looked at things in life, the way they were so open to meeting new people, their kindness...the list could go on forever. Just in general...their beautiful country. I miss it a lot.

So when I am asked what I want in life, I might say I want to work at my dream job, have a big house, and a family. But what I really think about, is that I want to get a second change to live where I lived a few years back. A piece of my heart stayed there, and I don't ever plan to take it back...it can and should stay right there, waiting for me to come someday.

Kisses to you, and never stop going after your dreams!
Lena ♥

He is back!

I have had one real realtionship. That one guy was the one who changed it all. I have had some crushes before I met him, but with none of them I have felt the way I felt while being with him. Also everything that happend with other guys afterwards was not that serious and didn´t really mean anything to me. He was and actually still is very special to me. I care dearly about him and all I want is him to be happy. (Gosh, that sounds sooo cheesy haha) Anyways, I don´t really want to get into the realtionship itself that much, but I will say that we broke up because I moved away. Even though we weren´t an item anymore, we still kept talking for several months, until he met another girl. Soon she was his new girlfriend and (naturally) she didn´t want him talking to me anymore. So yeah, over time I lost bits of him, and the memories I had of him. I actually had a hard time getting over him, but I figured deleting and unfollowing him on every social media possible, would help me. Of course...it didn´t. Because like every girl, I still went on his page from time to time, to see if he uploaded a new picture and stuff like that.
A couple of months ago I started noticing that he stopped uploading anything and suddenly, he started to like my pictures again, once I uploaded one. After checking his page again, I saw that he had deleted all his picutres! Not only the ones with her, but all of them. I figured that he broke up with her and wanted a complete new start.
He has actually not said anything to me yet, but I feel like through liking my stuff, it might be his first innocent move to reach out to me again. I just don´t know how to feel about that. I am obviously not going to reach out to him, since I "got over him" and deleted all his social media sites..so it would be stupid of me to be the one talking to him again, only because I assume that he broke up with his girlfriend. If anything...he should be the one saying something.
The weird thing is, why is he reaching out to me again in the first place? Am I his comeback whenever he doesn´t have a girlfriend? Does he think that I am just going to be here for him whenever he feels like it? Or did he actually also never really get over me?

I have no idea what any of this means, the only thing I am certain of and can´t deny is that now he is more on my mind again. I guess he has (still) some kind of power over my emotions...:(

Until I know more,
Bye bye, and kisses to you,
Lena ♥