What I really want...

We all have dreams, we all have goals that we wish to reach someday - maybe a dream job, a big house, a family...those are some common answers people say when asked. That´s what I answer too. But that is not what I really want in life. And the truth is that I have already have had what I really what. But I lost it.

Everything in life comes and goes. Nothing stays the way it is for a long time, everything is temporary. That is why we have to appreciate what we have. We hear that all the time, but that is really true. And once it is gone, we feel lost, sad and wish we could turn back time and go back to that time again.
Well...my problem is not only that I wish I could turn back time, but also that I didn't appreciate it while it was here. I am not talking about an specific object, person or anything like that. I am talking about the certain lifestyle I had a few years back. Everything was perfect about it but I didn't see that back then. I didn't see how lucky I was to have that life, and certainly didn't appreciate it the way I should have. I didn't even thank the one person who gave me and my family the change to live that life - my father. I don't think I ever thanked him. He only got to wittness how I sad I was after is was over. That honestly breaks my heart. I never talked with me about my happiness at that time, but he had to see how it broke me, once it was gone. But that would be an other topic, which I don't what to talk about now.

I don't know if you can quite follow me, but I also don't want to get to specific about it. Let's just say, that we (my family and me) had a quite extraordinary life for a few years. Of course, like everything in life, there we good and also bad aspect about it. But when I think about it, all I want to do is to go back to it - to everthing there was about it. The people, their language, the music they listen to, the way they looked at things in life, the way they were so open to meeting new people, their kindness...the list could go on forever. Just in general...their beautiful country. I miss it a lot.

So when I am asked what I want in life, I might say I want to work at my dream job, have a big house, and a family. But what I really think about, is that I want to get a second change to live where I lived a few years back. A piece of my heart stayed there, and I don't ever plan to take it back...it can and should stay right there, waiting for me to come someday.

Kisses to you, and never stop going after your dreams!
Lena ♥