There is this guy...I have actually already talked about him a few times here in my blog. (It will actually be hard to relate this to an older post of mine, since I´ve talked about more than a few guys...hehehe sorry) There is only one little detail that I would have to mention, and you already could (if you wanted to) figure out about which guy this is about. But I really don´t want that. So...just see it as another story, and please don't try putting 2 and 2 together.
ANYWAYS...I just talked about this guy with my best friend the last couple of days and she is suggesting me to give up on him. She truly believes that he is no good for me, that I am basically the one giving so much more than him, and not getting anything in return (not that that would matter to me, but in her eyes, it's not healthy on long term) That was just one of many reasons I should give him up. I honestly am 100% on her side, I mean, she is completely right...
But there is one thing when you develop strong feelings for another person...you just don´t want to let go so easily. You want to fight for it, you will try so hard to make it work. And you will try so hard to make no mistake, so that this person will start looking at you the way you deserve it.
But the problem is...you can't force anybody to feel something so strong as `love´. You could be the best and most perfect person ever...if this other person doesn't feel the same way, there is no way around it.
I have put so much effort, and mostly hope into this, and he probably never even realized it. Slowly he is destroying me, and I am letting him. It's like giving a total stranger a knife and watching them slowly putting the knife to your chest and slowly stabbing you. But still you will smile at that stranger, truly believing with all your heart that he will pull out the knife at some point and fix his damage. You are basically letting this person kill you, while you offer him everything you have.
Maybe you notice that I actually already realized all that...I know how this is not turning out right, I know that I should let him go and try to find someone who is better for me, who will see something in me nobody else can see...but that is just not that easy. And yes, even though I know all those things about him, I won't let go just yet. If I ever will, it will be over time, not just from one moment to the other. And it will be hard.
So...to answer you question --> What do you really want?
My answer is --> to make it work with this guy, because despite everything, I still care deeply for him, and I will never stop to have feelings for him.
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