So in yesterday´s blog I just described quickly how I suddenly realized that all that perfect picture planted in my head would never work out like that. Well...that actually didn´t happen so suddenly at all.
I left out a big part of the story. The part were I started talking to him. Now don´t get me wrong! I did not say one thing yesterday and today another. I started talking to him, but I really have never met him.
At one point I decided that I would send him a message online, to see how conversation would work out, if he knew who he was talking to, etc. So it actually started out as a very normal conversation and I thought that he clearly knew about me. But still, at one point I asked him if he knew that I know his father. He didn´t answer just with `Yes´ or `No´ but instead he said that Yeah, his father might have mentioned something to him about me. That made me happy, even though I still was sure that I knew more about him that he knew about me.
I was the happiest person every time I saw that he answered my messages and that our conversation would keep going. But there was one thing, which was that our conversation actually didn´t go so fluently. I really wanted this to happen and under no circumstances I wanted us to stop talking. But the truth is that the chat seemed forced - from both sides.
That was when I realized that our story would never be as perfect as I have imagend. Even if we ever would meet and maybe even have a relationship, it wouldn´t go so smoothly as thought.
Even though me talking to him might have destroyed the perfect dream about him, I am happy that I did. In this way I realize that he is not as perfect as his father says, and he might actually not be the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. (Even though deep down, I still hope for that to happen)
But first, I have to meet him in person - I am really excited for that to happen someday...IF it happens someday.
Now I gave you more detail about the perfect boy. But...there is still more to it. If you want to know, let me know. Or should I stop talking about him and change topic again? Haha, let me know!
Kisses,
Lena
Samstag, 26. November 2016
Freitag, 25. November 2016
There´s this guy...
So I have never talked or written about this before, but I will now. I want to start off by simply saying that I just want this to be written down somewhere, without knowing how understandable it is going to be, or if it makes any sense...
There´s this guy and I have known him for many years now, but actually I have never even met him. The thing is, I know him only by what his father has told me about him. That´s how I know him...because his father tells me things about him. He tells me all the good things his son does, how nice he is, what a good boy he is, and what a good man he once will become. So it can be said, that the father of this boy gives me a nice, if not even a perfect picture of his son, which has been in my head for many years now. This has started 4 or 5 years ago, and goes on every time I get to see this man.
You might ask yourself why and how I meet this man, and why he talkes to me about his son. Well, the thing is that he and my mother have been close friends since they were young, so I also see him from time to time.
So this doesn´t really answer the question why he talkes about his son when I am around..and well, I can´t really answer that question, because I also don´t know the reason. But I got to say, that I actually enjoy those conversations a lot, to be honest.
Back to what I was saying earlier...so this man has given me over the years a perfect picture of his son, and I have to say that I have been falling in love with the idea of that perfect boy. All the qualities that his father has told me about, are the only ones I see, since I never got the chance to learn anything else from him.
At one point, the father said that I should marry his son. Weirdly, that idea didn´t seem silly or stupid to me. Even I had not met the boy in person, not even until this day, but I have fallen so much in love with this perfect picture of him, and already having the "acceptance" of his father us marrying, that I was certain and completly sure that we were actually going to get married someday. We were going to meet, like each other in a short amount of time, fall in love, and marry. Just like that, just like his father has told me.
I don´t know if you realized, but shortly I already mentioned, that I have still not met the boy until this day. He is still just a picture in my head, he is still perfect for me and he is still somebody that I am sure I could fall in love quickly.
But I have also realized, that he doesn´t know any of this. I am pretty sure, that his father has not talked with him about me. Only with me about him. (...if that even makes sense) But that means that all this is really only in my head, in my imagination this perfect boy is going to be the one who I will spend the rest of my days with, who is going to be my husband.
But how should this ever work out, if he doesn´t know anything about it? If we are ever going to meet, maybe he doesn´t even know who I am. He will not know that his father has told me so much about him. He will not know that I am "supposed to marry him", that I am the "perfect girl for him, such as he is the perfect boy for me". For him, I would be just like any other girl that he meets for the first time. - This thought actually hurts so much to accept. I know that all this makes not a lot of sense to many people, but just imagen living with a thought for some years, thinking that in the future something special is going to happen and being completly sure about it, and then you realize that it actually probaly never will happen...so yeah, it hurts.
If you have read until now, I guess that you might have some questions. They all probably start with Why...? And I know, it is weird and odd to understand. But well..as said, I just wanted to get this off of my chest...
If you do have any questions, you can leave them in the comments.
Kisses to you and thank you for reading,
Lena ♥
There´s this guy and I have known him for many years now, but actually I have never even met him. The thing is, I know him only by what his father has told me about him. That´s how I know him...because his father tells me things about him. He tells me all the good things his son does, how nice he is, what a good boy he is, and what a good man he once will become. So it can be said, that the father of this boy gives me a nice, if not even a perfect picture of his son, which has been in my head for many years now. This has started 4 or 5 years ago, and goes on every time I get to see this man.
You might ask yourself why and how I meet this man, and why he talkes to me about his son. Well, the thing is that he and my mother have been close friends since they were young, so I also see him from time to time.
So this doesn´t really answer the question why he talkes about his son when I am around..and well, I can´t really answer that question, because I also don´t know the reason. But I got to say, that I actually enjoy those conversations a lot, to be honest.
Back to what I was saying earlier...so this man has given me over the years a perfect picture of his son, and I have to say that I have been falling in love with the idea of that perfect boy. All the qualities that his father has told me about, are the only ones I see, since I never got the chance to learn anything else from him.
At one point, the father said that I should marry his son. Weirdly, that idea didn´t seem silly or stupid to me. Even I had not met the boy in person, not even until this day, but I have fallen so much in love with this perfect picture of him, and already having the "acceptance" of his father us marrying, that I was certain and completly sure that we were actually going to get married someday. We were going to meet, like each other in a short amount of time, fall in love, and marry. Just like that, just like his father has told me.
I don´t know if you realized, but shortly I already mentioned, that I have still not met the boy until this day. He is still just a picture in my head, he is still perfect for me and he is still somebody that I am sure I could fall in love quickly.
But I have also realized, that he doesn´t know any of this. I am pretty sure, that his father has not talked with him about me. Only with me about him. (...if that even makes sense) But that means that all this is really only in my head, in my imagination this perfect boy is going to be the one who I will spend the rest of my days with, who is going to be my husband.
But how should this ever work out, if he doesn´t know anything about it? If we are ever going to meet, maybe he doesn´t even know who I am. He will not know that his father has told me so much about him. He will not know that I am "supposed to marry him", that I am the "perfect girl for him, such as he is the perfect boy for me". For him, I would be just like any other girl that he meets for the first time. - This thought actually hurts so much to accept. I know that all this makes not a lot of sense to many people, but just imagen living with a thought for some years, thinking that in the future something special is going to happen and being completly sure about it, and then you realize that it actually probaly never will happen...so yeah, it hurts.
If you have read until now, I guess that you might have some questions. They all probably start with Why...? And I know, it is weird and odd to understand. But well..as said, I just wanted to get this off of my chest...
If you do have any questions, you can leave them in the comments.
Kisses to you and thank you for reading,
Lena ♥
Montag, 21. November 2016
...♥
Du gehst von hier nach da, es geht zwischen dir und mir hin und her. Bleib doch bei mir, denn ich bin ich da. Wir sind beide hier, gefangen zwischen Gedanken und dem, was wir sind.
Ich bin in deinen, und du in meinen Armen. Du schläfst so friedlich, doch ich bin noch hellwach. Du bist am träumen, und ich am warten. Ich warte darauf, dass die Tage wieder so werden, wie sie früher waren. Bis wir wieder die Farben sehen können, und bis der Regen wieder einen Bogen macht - einen Regenbogen.
Wir fangen an, doch du hörst wieder auf. Einmal sind wir am gehen, dann bleibst du wieder stehen. Das Licht ist an, und du drehst es wieder ab.
...Du schläfst so friedlich und ich bin hellwach. Du träumst, und ich warte darauf, dass die Tage wieder so werden, wie sie früher waren. Ich will, dass wir wieder die Farben sehen. Die Farben, die ein Regen und ein Bogen erzeugen können - einen Regenbogen.
Umgeschriebener Liedtext! Kann jemand erraten, um welches Lied es sich hier handelt?
Wir fangen an, doch du hörst wieder auf. Einmal sind wir am gehen, dann bleibst du wieder stehen. Das Licht ist an, und du drehst es wieder ab.
...Du schläfst so friedlich und ich bin hellwach. Du träumst, und ich warte darauf, dass die Tage wieder so werden, wie sie früher waren. Ich will, dass wir wieder die Farben sehen. Die Farben, die ein Regen und ein Bogen erzeugen können - einen Regenbogen.
Umgeschriebener Liedtext! Kann jemand erraten, um welches Lied es sich hier handelt?
Donnerstag, 17. November 2016
On my own
Hi!
How have you been?
I, myself have been doing great.
After school and graduation I moved away from my parents´ house, and now I am living by myself. Well...not completely by myself, I have two roommates. But yeah..it´s my own place, so that´s pretty awesome.
I still have some time until I will start to go to university or do somthing similar to that, so for now I have time to see what I want to do and how I will accomplish that. I really do enjoy this free time, where I don´t have to follow some fixed plans, but have time for my own. I wouldn´t say that I don´t any responsabilities now that I am living by myself. That´s not what I meant at all. But I really like this time. It´s perfect to get to know not only other people, but mainly yourself.
I will try to write more often now!
Kisses,
Lena ♥
How have you been?
I, myself have been doing great.
After school and graduation I moved away from my parents´ house, and now I am living by myself. Well...not completely by myself, I have two roommates. But yeah..it´s my own place, so that´s pretty awesome.
I still have some time until I will start to go to university or do somthing similar to that, so for now I have time to see what I want to do and how I will accomplish that. I really do enjoy this free time, where I don´t have to follow some fixed plans, but have time for my own. I wouldn´t say that I don´t any responsabilities now that I am living by myself. That´s not what I meant at all. But I really like this time. It´s perfect to get to know not only other people, but mainly yourself.
I will try to write more often now!
Kisses,
Lena ♥
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